Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
