go do what you do best...puke behind churches
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
