if i can run in heels then i can drive
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
