I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
