Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
