after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
