Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
