The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
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