The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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