They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
