I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Panties = found
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
