i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
