Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
