I think I died a long time ago.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
