I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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