Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
