I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
where am i from again
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
