Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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