I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
