im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
