have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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