Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
