I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You know, be my cock's hype man.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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