fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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