I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Your penis caused this!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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