You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
