What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
