OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
