it wasn't lemon gatorade
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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