Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
