Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
