I want to stick my p in your. b.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Enjoy the penises
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize