OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
