Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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