why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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