meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
