During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
