Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
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