id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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