Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
