I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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