You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
