I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
