i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
The dick lei will go down in squad history
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
