I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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