Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
