i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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