3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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