guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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