hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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