It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
