He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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