I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
